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Title: “Epitaph Two: Return”
Written by: Maurissa Tancharoen Whedon, Jed Whedon & Andrew Chambliss
Air Date: 29th January 2009

Here it is, the final episode of Dollhouse ever.  It’s not as monumental an event as it will be when Lost airs it’s final episode sometime in April, but for fans of Eliza Dushku’s and Joss Whedon’s action sci-fi drama it’s something of note.  I’m not what you’d call a true diehard fan of Whedon or Dushku.  I don’t think Firefly is as good as it’s become in the eyes of many, and I’m still not convinced of Dushku’s acting chops, but I am willing to give them the benefit of the doubt simply because of my undying love for Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Buffy is the only reason I sat through the first half of Dollhouse’s first season, having faith that Whedon had a plan and would soon begin executing it.  That plan began to form around episode six “Man on the Street” and from that point on Dollhouse improved exponentially.

This season has been great from start to finish with each episode seemingly building on the mythology developed during the tail end of the first season and the futuristic unaired first season episode “Epitaph One”.  It’s only fitting that after the previous two episodes where the gang took on Rossum in an attempt to destroy the technology that we get another Epitaph episode which picks up soon after the original story.  The three survivors from “Epitaph One” are making their way to Safehaven under the guidance of Caroline in the little girls body.  They’re soon apprehended and taken as bodies for Rossum execs Harding (Adelle’s one-time successor originally played by Keith Carradine) and Ambrose (previously seen in “Echoes”, “Meet Jane Doe” and “Getting Closer”).  Echo and Ballard have already infiltrated the complex in order to rescue Topher who’s being used to develop advanced tech for Rossum.  In his disturbed state Topher says that he can return the world to how it was and restore all the people affected by wipes to their original selves.  All he needs is access to the Dollhouse back in LA.  The whole gang go back to LA and find Alpha protecting dolls in the Dollhouse.  Topher’s tech is to be shot into the stratosphere and this will allow it to dissipate across the globe.  However, because Echo, Priya and Victor don’t want to go back to their original selves they must stay underground in the Dollhouse for the next year whilst the radiation (?) from the bomb fades.

Whew, as you can see a lot of stuff is crammed into this final episode in order to give a proper sense of closure to the Dollhouse story.  It does feel a little rushed at times, but because “Epitaph Two” is set ten years in the future it allows the writers to present circumstances that fit storywise without the need for exposition detailing how the circumstances have changed so dramatically for the characters.  For example, Priya’s and Victor’s breakup is presented as stemming from a choice Victor had to make between her and the tech without any flashback to illustrate this, and Alpha is now a somewhat balanced person I assume because of him taking on Ballard’s personality in a previous episode, but this is not alluded to in any fashion.

Just like “Epitaph One” it takes a little while to adjust to the future setting with ten years of history gone by, new characters, old characters in new bodies, and new goals, but once this is done it becomes as engaging as ever.  And although this episode ends on a slightly more uplifting and hopeful note, it’s just as bleak as “Epitaph One”.  But you know what, I really like the tone of the show in these last few episodes and especially both of the Epitaph ones.  Not everything has to be peaches and cream.  The characters are going against the odds, they are dealing with dangerous technology, and that technology does raise both moral and philosophical questions about what it means to be human.  If this type of story was told any other way I’d be sorely disappointed.  Thankfully Whedon and company understood this and we all got a great finale for a show which grew stronger and stronger as it went along.  In fact, as finales to Joss Whedon shows go I may rank this higher than both Buffy and Angel.  I’m not saying that Dollhouse is a better show than either Buffy or Angel, but I do think that it had the most fitting sendoff of the three.  Dollhouse didn’t start out very well with the constant imprint-of-the-week episodes, but once it got rolling and the scope of the story was revealed it was an absolute pleasure to watch.  I’m hopeful that Joss Whedon will return with something new soon and that he’ll be given longer than 26 episodes to tell the story he wants.

FINAL RATING: 8/10

Written by: James Cameron
Directed by: James Cameron
Genre: Sci-fi, action, romance

Oh my fucking god.

RATING: 10/10

CONCLUSION
I’m trying to right this review 20 minutes after leaving the cinema and that’s all my brain continues to come up with.  But then I figured why waste the time trying to deconstruct the film when four little words convey everything you need to know about it.  Believe the hype, Avatar is brilliant, and it’s the best film of the year.  Plus I dare you not to fall in love with Neytiri.  It’s impossible.

Written by: Diablo Cody
Directed by: Karyn Kusama
Genre: Comedy, horror, parody

Jennifer (Megan Fox) convinces her best friend Needy (Amanda Seyfried) to come see a rock band at their local bar.  After a fire rips through the bar the band take Jennifer into the woods and sacrifice her to Satan in order to become famous.  The sacrifice goes wrong and Jennifer becomes inhabited by a demon and in order to stay strong Jennifer feeds on the boys in her high school.  Needy is the only one who suspects anything and sets about stopping her.

I know, it doesn’t sound that great, and depending how you feel about Diablo Cody and Megan Fox this may in fact be a movie you couldn’t be paid to watch.  I on the other hand have been looking forward to Jennifer’s Body for quite some time now.  I’m a big fan of both Megan Fox and Diablo Cody but it wasn’t just the involvement of these two which made me keep an eye on Jennifer’s Body.  Truth be told I’m an even bigger fan of the supporting cast who include Amanda Seyfried (Veronica Mars), Adam Brody (The O.C.), Chris Pratt (Everwood, Parks & Recreation), the criminally underappreciated Kyle Gallner (Veronica Mars), J.K. Simmons and Amy Sedaris.

I dare say the main reason people will either dislike, or not see, Jennifer’s Body is because it’s written by Diablo Cody.  I think the main complaint about Diablo Cody is she tries too hard to make her dialogue creative and the vast majority of the time it’s a little too cute for it’s own good.  The fact is that people don’t speak like the characters she writes, and whilst this is kinda the appeal of Diablo Cody for me, I can understand why people are turned off by her work.  Whilst I’m not turned off by her work I do notice it, and sometimes it stretches even a little further than I’d like and it’s at this point that I’m taken out of the film.  I’d say on balance there are more instances like this in Jennifer’s Body than Juno, but on the whole even these instances don’t ruin the film for me, they just act as a minor distraction.  And in all honesty I’m not really sure why such vitriol has been directed towards Diablo Cody.  Maybe those who don’t like her work or begrudge her success should simply not watch her films.  That seems like a far more sensible thing to do than cover the internet in venom filled comments.

The great thing about Jennifer’s Body is that it doesn’t take itself too seriously and I really don’t think that it should be classified as a horror.  In fact, I’m not even sure if should be classified as a comedy either because if anything it’s a hybrid of horror, comedy and parody.  That might not be something that gets people into the cinema but it’s the closest approximation of what the film is.  A prime example is the lesbian kissing scene.  It was done almost as a wink to the audience and a nod to it’s 80’s horror movie roots.  Everyone (at least all the guys) want Jennifer and Needy to kiss, so Diablo Cody was good enough to write it.  It doesn’t really shape the story in any way, other than maybe highlighting the connection between Jennifer and Needy, but it’s another nod to the 80’s horror pedigree that it’s mocking/honouring.

Final mention should be made of the awesome Amanda Seyfried.  Whilst she may not be doing the talk show rounds like Megan Fox she’s just as important a part of the film as anyone.  Although she’s an absolute knockout she’s really dressed down in the film but still manages to be a beautiful captivating presence.  As weird as it sounds, those eyes of hers are mesmerizing.  I think I could probably watch a movie that just involved her staring at the screen for 90 minutes.  I realise that’s an odd thing to say but it’s probably at least 60% true.  That’s how much I love her.

RATING: 7/10

CONCLUSION
The special effects are average (but still vastly superior to Twilight), the story is nothing special, the dialogue is too cute for its own good at times, the twist ending (although I don’t actually think it’s meant to be a “twist ending”) is nothing special, it’s not particularly scary, and it’s not particularly funny.  But you know what, none of that matters to me.  The draw of Jennifer’s Body is the actors.  That’s pretty much it.  I love everyone in the film and the absolute main reason I wanted to see the film is because of all the actors in it.  I’m glad it turned out to be exactly as I expected.

Title: “Pilot”
Written by: Adam Reed
Air date: 17th Sept 2009

The show follows the exploits of Sterling Archer, a 007 agent type who works for ISIS, and the various other employees at the organisation.  The pilot, like just about every other pilot, sets up the characters and their individual relationships.

I usually have at least an idea about what’s coming on TV with regards to new shows, but it’s especially true for shows I think I’d be interested in.  I had no idea that Archer was going to be on and I had no clue what it was about.  The only reason I found out about Archer is because I was checking the schedule on TheFutonCritic.com and saw that an animated show was premiering on FX.  As with most new animation, I check the voice cast behind it, and in the case of Archer there’s a pretty decent level of talent, including Judy Greer, Chris Parnell and Jessica Walter.  All this combined to make Archer a show I was very interested in seeing.  My instincts proved right on.

Almost immediately I was struck by how perfect this show felt to me. This one episode taster seems very close to Arrested Development in terms of comedy perfection, with gags that push the limits of not only what an animated show can be but also what a regular show can be. It’s not juvenile or gross-out humour like you’d expect in South Park, but something far more tailored for adults.  The jokes come thick and fast with hardly a break between them.  But don’t think there’s an over-reliance on jokes at the expense of story (eg Family Guy/American Dad/The Cleveland Show) as Archer manages to fit in a decent groundwork for what the show is likely to be about.  Namely espionage, family tension, and sexual relationships.

The whole episode was simply brilliant and trying to highlight just a few parts really does it a disservice.  That being said, some of my favourite parts were:

• “Just the tip.”
• Archer threatening his butler with rubbing sand in his eyes and then ordering the butler to go buy sand.
• “That’s how you get ants.”
• Malory (Archer’s mother) masturbating under her desk whilst having phone sex and having Archer walk in on her.

FINAL RATING: 9/10

CONCLUSION
Checking the FX website reveals that Archer isn’t scheduled to hit the airwaves until January 2010.  I guess the pilot was just to whet our appetites.  It worked.  Archer is one of the best shows I’ve seen in a long time, and is a great adult orientated animated show.  FX is really building a very strong stable of shows.  Waiting until January for Archer is almost as difficult as waiting for Lost, but after seeing the pilot I’m extemely confident that the show will be worth it.

Title: “Pilot”
Written by: Dan Harmon
Air date: Sept 17th 2009

After it’s discovered that Jeff’s (Joel McHale) law degree is from Columbia (the country not the college) he’s forced to attend Community College in order to earn his degree and continue to practice law.  He sets up a fake Spanish group in order to hit on Britta (Gillian Jacobs) but more show up to his group than planned.

I’ve already done a script review for the pilot so I won’t go over this too much, other than to say that it sticks very closely to what I remember was in the script.  I’ll use this quick review to comment on how the script actually plays out on screen.  And that, in a word, is fantastic.  All that I noticed which didn’t make the transition from the script was the second encounter with the black cafeteria lady in the hallway.  It’s a shame because that was another great exchange between her and Jeff but they probably needed to cut something to get the right length for the episode.

On the cast front, the standouts from the pilot are certainly Jeff, Abed (Danny Pudi) and Duncan (John Oliver).  Chevy Chase really doesn’t do much in this episode other than seem a little creepy.  All three female characters also come off as a little bitchy, but I’m sure there’ll be development in that regard.

FINAL RATING: 7/10

CONCLUSION
The pilot episode contains most of what was in the script save for a few minor adjustments and one or two cuts.  It’s an enjoyable episode which sets the groundwork for future episodes but it’s not the knockout that you hope pilots will be, although this may be because I was already aware of what happened due to reading the script.  I think with some development of the female characters and the show establishing more of a biting edge, rather than the safer middle ground which most sitcoms take, that it could be a good addition to NBC’s Thursday comedy block.  It’s also worth noting that whilst Ken Jeong has been added to the cast he does not appear in this episode.

Frantic Faves is a way for me to review some of my favourite films.  Instead of regular reviews which focus on new theatrical releases, Frantic Faves allows me to go back in time and review films I love that may have been forgotten or undervalued by the masses.  Ultimately the segment is just like this site, another exercise in self-satisfaction and a means for me to write about the things I enjoy.

© 20th Century Fox

Written by:  John Hughes
Directed by:  Chris Columbus
Released:  1990

Eight year-old Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin) is accidentally left behind while his family flies to France for Christmas and has to defend his home against Harry (Joe Pesci) and Marv (Daniel Stern), two idiotic burglars preying on the rich neighbourhood houses.

In all honesty the plot of this film means nothing, the real magic of the movie comes from the memories of Christmas as a child.  Home Alone to me is the greatest Christmas movie of all time.  When Home Alone came out I was 12 years old.  I can’t remember the first time I saw it, but I know that I loved it from the very beginning.  The film just taps into the magic that Christmas holds for a child, and whilst the holiday loses that magic as you get older, the film still manages to make me feel like a child every time I watch it.  It makes me remember growing up in a village in England, getting up early to open some presents, going out and playing with friends in the cold, and eating a delicious turkey dinner that night.

Every Christmas my family congregates over at my aunt and uncle’s place to watch my young cousins open their presents.  I haven’t gone in years.  Instead I stay home and watch Home Alone and Die Hard 2.  To me they’re the perfect Christmas movies.  Home Alone makes me feel like a kid again, and whilst I’m disappointed in myself that I no longer love or enjoy Christmas, watching Home Alone goes some way to alleviate those feelings.  And because I’m stuck in the sweltering heat of Australian summer each Christmas, it also makes it feel a little more like Christmas time.  For a guy who grew up in England the heat simply doesn’t feel right.  Christmas is meant to be cold.  And dark.  The short days of the English winter helps to set the mood.  The cold, dark and rain/snow is what makes it Christmas.  Without those elements it’s just another day.  That’s why Home Alone and Die Hard 2 with their snow, decorations, and hymns are the perfect Christmas movies.

Aside from the overriding nostalgia for Christmas that Home Alone instills in me, it also appeals to the adventurous child in me.  That sense of adventure and fun that all kids feel is displayed perfectly in Kevin’s precocious actions defending the family home.  The traps he sets and the banter he engages in with Harry and Marv plays to the cheeky and impudent child that I wished I was, and that’s ultimately a testament to Macaulay Culkin.  The film was apparently written by John Hughes for Culkin, but director Chris Columbus still auditioned 200 other kids to make sure that Culkin was the right choice.  He clearly was.  The way he’s able to deliver lines is remarkable.  Especially when you consider how stunted the delivery of Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson is in the first few Harry Potter films.  One of my favourite parts of the film is when Kevin goes shopping and the girl at the checkout quizzes him.  The back and forth between the two is natural, effortless, and funny, and I can’t think of any child actor who’s displayed that level of talent.  If you couldn’t tell by now I’m a HUGE fan of Macaulay Culkin.

FINAL RATING:  8/10 (I’m no longer doing letter grading, it’s too hard to equate them)

CONCLUSION
A lot of films from my childhood that I have fond memories of don’t appeal to me as an adult.  I used to love Flight of the Navigator, Mary Poppins, and Pete’s Dragon, but now I can barely stand a minute of them.  The child actors in them being the primary source of my disdain. Home Alone doesn’t suffer from this problem because of the talent and performance of Macaulay Culkin, and is in fact one of my all-time favourite films (currently ranked #9 on my Flickchart).

I don’t care that the premise is far-fetched, Home Alone makes me feel like a kid every single time I watch it, and I’ve watched it a lot.  Conservatively I think I watch the film at least six times per year, at least.  That would put my total number of viewings at approximately 114.  The film has never got boring or tired in the 19 years since it’s release, and I can see me watching this until the day I die.  Any film which makes me recall my formative years with such fondness will always be something I want to see.

© Sony Pictures Entertainment

Written by: Neill Blomkamp & Terri Tatchell
Directed by: Neill Blomkamp
Genre: Sci-fi, drama

An extraterrestrial race who arrived on Earth 20 years ago and are forced to live in slum-like conditions in South Africa suddenly find a kindred spirit in a government agent that is exposed to their biotechnology.

That’s the quick plot for all those interested in such things, but the film is so much more.  The film is essentially a drama about race disguised as a science fiction movie.  It’s funny, gory, violent, provocative, engaging, intellectual, disturbing, and moving.  In short it’s one of the best films I’ve seen in quite some time, certainly the best in the sci-fi genre, and one which I intend to see again and again.

The film is shot as a documentary, at least initially, which follows a bureaucrat at MNU named Wikus Van De Merwe (Sharlto Copley) who is charged with evicting the aliens from District 9, a slum town keeping them isolated, and moving them into another area away from Johannesburg.  Whilst doing this he is exposed to an alien element and begins to transform into one of them.  MNU capture him and attempt to use him to operate the alien weapons which because of genetic coding only the alien beings can use.  Wikus escapes and with the help of alien named Christopher Johnson he hopes to reverse the process and change back to a human.

Due to the way the film plays, it lives or dies on the performance by Sharlto Copley.  He’s actually a first time actor but you’d never know from watching this performance.  He’s just brilliant.  He displays a wide range of emotions as Wikus goes through his ordeal and we’re right there with him for every second of it.  Whether it’s when he’s terrified when his hand is revealed, or when his teeth fall out, or when he tries to convince his wife that he’s innocent, or when he battling soldiers in District 9, we believe him without question.  His performance really is a revelation.

District 9 is a very good race-related drama disguised as a sci-fi movie.  I don’t think the intention of Blomkamp was to mislead people into seeing this film, but rather that he was able to tell a story based around his experience growing up in South Africa and be able to engage people in a debate about prejudice and hatred.  Afterall, this is a film which parallels the real world history of South Africa very closely.  The aliens are even referred to as “prawns”, a derogatory term given to them because of their physical similarity to the sea creatures, which has obvious links to the term “kaffir” which was used to describe blacks in South Africa.

Despite the deep material that District 9 deals with the film doesn’t lack in the action department.  In fact, the last third of the film has a great deal of very impressive action as Wikus and Christopher set their plan in action and the situation comes to a head in District 9 between them, MNU, and the thugs which occupy District 9.  It’s in this last battle that we get to see some of the alien technology in action, and where we see the damage that it can do.  It also highlights the fact that the aliens could have used this technology to overrun the city if they were so inclined, but because they didn’t we get to see that they are relatively peaceful.  This makes they way they are treated by the humans even more impacting.

FINAL GRADE: A

CONCLUSION
District 9 is a great race-related drama hidden under the veneer of science fiction, but with both aspects being represented equally well.  Ultimately the film tells the story of flawed and fearful people who live in an environment of prejudice, intolerance, and misunderstanding.  District 9 is an amazing film which is at times very difficult to watch.  To see the aliens treated the way they are simply because of their differences is sometimes quite unsettling, and to realise that this is how large sections of society are treated now is even more disturbing.  In the end I think this is the aim of the film and it achieves it’s goal admirably.

Title:  Epitaph One
Written By:  Maurissa Tancharoen, Jed Whedon and Joss Whedon
Air Date:  None.  DVD only.

Plot:
It’s 2019 and the world has gone to hell.  The technology of the Dollhouse has found it’s way into the general public and propagated the world over.  Those that haven’t been imprinted are known as actuals.  A group of the actuals stumble upon the Dollhouse and through a series of flashbacks and imprints they seek to discover how the world ended up the way it is.

Wow.  That’s pretty much all I can say.  This looks and feels absolutely nothing like any of the previous episodes of Dollhouse.  It’s infinitely darker than any of the previous episodes and it paints a devastatingly bleak picture for mankind’s future.  It drops you into the future right from the get-go, and it was only when they found the entry into the Dollhouse that I figured out where the story might be going.  I was thinking that there would be some kind of resolution to the story, but the episode ended in an even better way by simply showing the three remaining characters climbing a rope ladder outside the building to somewhere.

I like episodes which end on an ambiguous note because it allows the viewer to envision the future for the characters themselves.  A friend of mine really disliked the ending to Angel I assume because he wanted to know one way or the other whether they would survive the ensuing battle.  I liked that the showed ended as it did because it was in line with the overall theme of the show, that of surviving and redeeming yourself, but also because it allowed me to finish the story as thought it would go.  I think episodes which don’t give a clear outcome are best served to be the final episode, not one that falls within the flow of the show, and in that regard “Epitaph One” would have been a damn near perfect final episode had Fox cancelled Dollhouse.  That being said, I think this kind of non-linear storytelling could work well for Dollhouse because whilst the first half of the first season was OK, it wasn’t until “Man in the Street” that Dollhouse really started to find it’s groove.  I think that “Epitaph One” will serve as a great way to give the show a direction and some momentum, an end point if you like.

All of the series regulars return, in a mostly reduced capacity, but a decent amount of screen time is devoted to the future characters.  Felicia Day is the noteworthy member of the future group and it’s been confirmed that she’ll be returning in the second season.  More pleasing than the presence of Felicia Day is the return of Mr Dominic (Reed Diamond) and his small scene with Miss DeWitt (Olivia Williams).  They have a great chemistry and their characters work well together.  There interaction during the first season was some of the best stuff on Dollhouse, and I’m hopeful that Mr Dominic will play a part in the second season as it’s obvious that he wasn’t killed when he was taken to the Attic.

As good as the return of Mr Dominic was, the scene between Miss DeWitt and Topher (Fran Kranz) was amazing.  Their heartfelt connection and the look on Topher’s face when he came to the realisation that he was the one who unleashed the technology on the world was some of the very best stuff I’ve seen on Dollhouse.  I’ve enjoyed Kranz’s hyperactive overexcited performances all season but I wouldn’t have thought that the best scene from the show so far would have come from him.  It really was very moving, especially considering how cold Miss DeWitt has been portrayed so far, so it was great to see that she had a connection beyond her liaisons with the male Doll.

Joss Whedon commented at Comic Con that the content in “Epitaph One” will absolutely form part of the second season, but it’s not to be taken as gospel because a lot of it are memories, and memories can distort over time.  That seems like a somewhat convenient way to get out of what was shown, but I think that the ultimate end of society is something that’s a set future.  That plays too much of an important part of the episode to be anything other than a concrete future.

CONCLUSION
I can understand why Fox didn’t air this, or buy it, or whatever the business reasons are, but I think that had the show not been renewed it would have been a brilliant way to end the show.  The episode starts off so different from a typical episode that it’s a little jarring, but once the future group discovers the Dollhouse everything begins to come around.  Amy Acker gets a good deal of screen time as Whiskey, but the future group get the bulk of it.  By far the best thing about this episode is the amazing scene with Miss DeWitt and Topher.  It was just brilliant.  Beautiful, heartfelt and moving.  Just fantastic stuff, and I have to admit that despite my love of all things Whedon related, I was very surprised that something this good was in Dollhouse.  I’d have expected Buffy to have a scene like that, but because Dollhouse has been a little bit of a disappointment so far I was blown away by it.  This is one of the best Dollhouse episodes yet, but it goes to show that the show can be so much better than we’ve seen so far.

FINAL GRADE: B+

Frantic Faves is a way for me to review some of my favourite films.  Instead of regular reviews which focus on new theatrical releases, Frantic Faves allows me to go back in time and review films I love that may have been forgotten or undervalued by the masses.  Ultimately the segment is just like this site, another exercise in self-satisfaction and a means for me to write about the things I enjoy.

Director: Paul Verhoeven
Writer: Joe Eszterhas
Release Year: 1995

Nomi Malone (Elizabeth Berkley) hitches a ride to Las Vegas in a quest to become a dancer and soon sets about clawing and pushing her way to become the top of the Vegas showgirls.

I’m well aware that Showgirls is considered to be a favourite within the gay community, thanks in no small part to Gina Gershon, but I don’t care, I love this flick.  There’s an almost neverending amount of nudity that I don’t think you’d ever see in a Hollywood movie nowadays.  There’s a great soundtrack and some really impressive choreography too.  Taken seperately these are nothing special.  But when it’s all combined it forms one of my most enjoyable films.  I could watch this thing over and over.

Let’s get one thing straight though, this is not pornography or erotica.  Like I said, there’s a ton of nudity and a healthy dose of sex as well, but it never seems to come across as titillating.  In almost every instance (save for the rape of Molly) the sex is comedic, the acting is overdone, and the characters are loud and brash stereotypes.  But all this is done on purpose.  See Verhoeven and Eszterhas had already done the erotic thriller when they worked on Basic Instinct (a film which I think is dismissed too quickly), so Showgirls is something different.  Eszterhas has always said that he thought Showgirls was a comedy and I agree.  But it’s not an “erotic comedy” because there’s nothing particularly erotic about it.  If anything it’s a titty comedy, but that doesn’t seem to do the movie justice either.  If you’re after proof that this is a comedy take a look at the image below.  When you see the scene actually playing it’s like Kyle MacLachlan is waterboarding her.

The film just exudes that mid-90’s quality that’s so great but so hard to describe, and unfortunately that time has passed.  That’s one of the reasons why I was so disappointed when I learnt that there were already plans for a sequel which would have seen Nomi head off to Hollywood to take on the movie industry.  Eszterhas even had a treatment written titled Bimbos: Nomi Goes to Hollywood.  I’ve been trying for over a year to get hold of that with no success.  There’s even a nod to this plan in the closing of Showgirls when Nomi leaves Las Vegas and the sign with the distance to Los Angeles is in frame.  Ah, what I’d give to read that treatment.

CONCLUSION
There’s a common saying that “something is so bad that it’s good”.  Well I don’t think that’s the case with Showgirls.  It’s just good.  If you watch this thinking that it’s some erotic thriller or drama then you couldn’t be further off base.  It’s a comedy plain and simple.  How else do you explain dialogue like this:

Al Torres:  It must be weird, not having people cum on you.

That’s actually used in a scene which is meant to be touching.  When Al and Henrietta come to see Nomi and admit that they were wrong and she’s done a good job.  If that’s not comedy I don’t know what is.  If anything it’s having a little fun with the erotic sub-genre which seemed to pop up in the 90’s by fooling the viewer into thinking that’s what they’re watching, and then calling them on their misconception.

It’s also nice to know that although the movie bombed at the box office, it’s since gone on to earn over $100 million thanks to the home video market.  I love Verhoeven, I love Eszterhas, and I love this film.

FINAL GRADE: B+

© Warner Bros. Pictures

I know I’m late to the party but I’ve found it very hard to muster any kind of enthusiasm to post a review for this one.  It’s average in every kind of way.

The story revolves around the appearance of a mysterious man who doesn’t know what year it is, the discovery of a broadcast which can shut down the machines and Skynet, and John Connor’s search for Kyle Reese.  There’s some decent elements sprinkled in this mix, such as how Connor goes on to become the defacto leader of the resistance, but for the most part it’s just a very loose story as a means to join together an almost endless string of action sequences.

But that’s not the worst part.  The worst part is the crappy references to the awesomely fantastic Terminator 2.  First there’s the shitty use of the great Guns n Roses track “You could be mine” as a means to lure the motorcycle machines.  I don’t think I’ve heard that song on the radio in the last 10 years, so what are the odds that it’d be lying around on cassette in a post-apocalyptic world devastated by nuclear weapons?  Slim to none.  Then there’s the Arnie cameo as the lone terminator sent to kill Connor in the terminator factory.  For such an advanced entity, you’d think that Skynet would send every terminator in that place to make sure that Connor was killed.  After all, he’s the future of the resistance and the one thing standing in the way of victory for the machines.  But no, it thinks that one would be plenty even with the knowledge that the human-machine hybrid is on the way to help Connor.

I guess the only good thing I can say about this film is that the special effects are pretty decent and there’s some good action sequences, but it doesn’t even compare to the greatness of Terminator 2.  It just lacks the mood and feel that infused Terminator 2, and even though the action and effects in Terminator 2 were amazing, it’s this atmosphere which makes it what it is.

CONCLUSION
It was average.  Plain and simple.  From the nonexistent story to the shitty callbacks to previous films, it only succeeded in underwhelming me.  Not to mention the ludicrous notion that a helicopter can outrun a nuclear explosion.  Just like Terminator 3, this one is best left forgotten in the Terminator saga.  Stick to James Cameron’s efforts because they are two of the greatest action/sci-fi movies of all time.  McG should be shot for having the balls to attach the Terminator name to this piece of shit.

FINAL GRADE: D-